Fresh Start

 

I have used this pic before, but feel like right now it is something I really need to think about.  Its been awhile since I posted….I know.  Life is crazy.  we have been busy with soccer camps, dance camp, vacation planning , holiday, birthdays…whew.    Makes me tired just thinking about it.  in all  that chaos, everything has taken a backseat to the schedule.  Sadly, not my schedule.  The kids are so busy, I thought summer would be a nice down time…HA!  Oh well, no rest for the wicked I guess.

 

In all this craziness, I have lost myself a bit.   It wasn’t until this past weekend though that I really felt it.  I was flying high last week when I was recognized at CVS by a woman in my neighborhood (who I had never  met) as being “that runner.”  WHOA!  I don’t think I ever was recognized for  that outside of my days on the track in school.  I was elated!  especially since I haven’t been out to pound the pavement in a few weeks…again  schedule, but to be fair also weather, from near 100  degree  days to  tornado inducing storms.

 

Anyways fast forward from that fabulous day to Saturday.  We  are leaving for vacation in

days, exactly 3 weeks from today (not that I am counting or anything).  We  have planned a primarily beach vacation.   This is our first time dedicating so much time to relaxing and our first  beach themed  vacation, so we  are new to the planning process.

 

I have a bathing suit that I love.  It fits perfectly,  the colors are fun and bright, but as my hubby pointed out…it is one bathing suit.  One bathing suit for a week  long beach vacation seemed silly.  I mean, I had made sure the girls each had AT LEAST  two suits each to take so they could alternate from day to day…but I can honestly say the thought never occurred to me that I should do the same for myself.  Buying bathing suits has always, I mean ALWAYS, been hard.   It is the only time I truly feel like I could just burst into  tears while shopping.  I start the process feeling like

 

 

I find something cute, and “suitable” to me after scouring the racks for  what feels like an eternity, and then I take those slow,  lead filled steps into the dressing room.  I strip off my layer of protective clothing, you know, the stuff that strategically hides and camouflages in all the right spots just as  you planned.  Then I step into one of the new bathing suits, which 9 times out of 10 makes me feel like

 

 

This past shopping  excursion I left after trying on 2 suits, with  1 in hand at the check out.  It fit.   That is all I can really say about it.  It fit. the  top is not what I wanted, the colors seemed off, but it fit so I was done with the terror.  We  left the mall and went to one last store.  Ahhhh the feeling of

 

 

As we drove to  the last stop of  the day,  my husband asked me why I was being so hard on myself?  Who I was comparing myself to?  This made me stop and think.  Who  AM I comparing myself to?  I was mad because  I had been working so hard since before the new year to get in shape, to look better and stronger…and then I let a few  lazy weeks derail me mentally.  I mean,  I can see  on the scale that the numbers haven’t changed.  I can still button all my pants the same way I could a month ago,   but for some reason…just KNOWING how lazy I have been lately with my workouts and not logging my food,  completely changed how I saw myself in the mirror.

 

We  walked into the last store and no more then 2 minutes in I  saw a bathing suit that was SO cute.  My hubby was like,  buy it.  This last store was  one of those bulk stores so they don’t have fitting rooms,  which was a good thing and a bad  thing.  I took Mini  Me to find out the price on the suit and found another suit I liked just as much.  One was a skirt bottom and one was shorts.  Turned out the price for both was  the same was what I spent on 1 at the last store…so why not.  PLUS I could go home and try it on in the comfort of my house.

 

My mindset was to try on both and decide which I liked (if either) and return the other PLUS return the first.  I tried on the first one and was shocked.  I. Loved. It.  I mean, I looked good in it.  I paraded, yes paraded  downstairs into the kitchen to show my hubby.  he liked  it too.   back upstairs   and into suit two.  Same thing!  LOVED IT!  Did my parade strut again.  Now,  the great thing is that Mini me helped pick 2 suits in the same  color schemes  so I paraded around 2 more times after changing bottoms with tops to show all four looks.  It was such a different experience.

 

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I can still see where I have lost a little tone…but that is something I can fix.  I KNOW I have made a few bad food choices lately, but again…I can change and fix that too.   I am feeling better about me again, and that is what counts.

 

I kept telling myself…sit down and write.  You will feel better if you get it out, but honestly, I couldn’t even do that.  I was in such a shame spiral that I didn’t want to write.  Didn’t feel like I deserved  to have you read the words that would come out.  I sometimes feel like I need  to be happy all the time in my writings and inspire whoever I can whenever I can when I hit that publish button…but realistically…we all have bad days…weeks…maybe even years.  It’s how you deal with them and how you move on.

 

My husband telling me that I was too hard on myself and that I looked good helped me turn a corner.  Sometimes a girl just needs to be reminded of that…and now I’m back.  Going from feeling like a zero to my own personal hero!  We  still have three weeks baby…I  am SO going to rock my bathing suits!  I had a few  bad weeks…I don’t have  to start over, I have to start fresh.  Fresh mindset, fresh goals,  fresh love of myself!